FROM: Richard
SUBJECT: are you serious?
(Original spelling and grammar used)

Well, Richard, I am motivated by the evolutionary imperative to rid the planet of pinheads like yourself, brainwashed as you are by years of advertising slogans and mainstream addictions to mind-numbing drugs such as alcohol, Valium and Prozac, with occasional yahoo combos of Benzedrine and Jack Daniels for those late night assaults at the local tavern on anyone who looks different. As for fantasies, you're probably not religious and neither am I, but in case you go to one of those store front bible-belt churches where the folks get their knickers wet over white supremacy--I'll bet there's one right next to your favourite tavern--just remember Jesus is on my side, not yours.

What freakiin life experiences could bring your ilk to the hopeless point of irrelevancy you have reached.

Living in twelve countries on three continents has shown me that we are all human beings no matter what we look like or what language we speak or what religion we belong to. Inexperienced assholes like yourself abound in every corner of the world, and they can be counted on to fuck up world peace with their resentment of anyone who knows more than they do. Without you and your ilk, the human race might just have a chance.

What sort of acts were pepetrated on you and your spoon fed fairy tale moron "contributors" who are so far out of the realm of reality that you would have difficulty distinguishing between day and night.

Other than using our brains for more than absorbing the meaningless statistics of sports, we can probably claim that we were not told we were useless little shits all our lives like you, Richard.

Perhaps you and your "contributors" and your 3 or 4 readers can contact Al Franken and Barbara Streisand and Howard Dean and all the merry band of the "the schmucks who cried wolf" and you can have a rally with all your friends, what a sight to behold that would be-such intellectual power and prowess gathered together, espousing the secrets to life and the secret to world peace and happiness. I am sure your, uh, audience, extensive as it may be, would be absolutely riveted by some of your theories and "hard reporting"---would there be enough room in one continent to fit all of those egos and the shining lights of academia that all of you are?hmmm-you can carry signs, and chant slogans, and wear death masks, and make clever little soundbites for the television and newspapers, come on, it would be such FUN!!!!!

Wow, that's a helluva paragraph, Richard, well done. But you forgot to include Hilary Clinton, Alec Baldwin, Al Sharpton, Rosie O'donnell, Maxine Waters, Barney Franks, Jesse Jackson, George Clooney, Sean Penn, and all those other folks you fuckwits rattle off like a mantra. Tell you the truth, I've never heard of some of those people, but that's all right, I'm supposed to love them.

As for my readership, I'll have you know it is considerably more than three or four. Tell ya what, pick a number between ten and twenty. Can't count that high? Never mind.

However, by accusing me of "hard reporting," you've gone too far. Like you, my agenda is character assassination, only I'm putting a little more effort into it than just firing off an email and then falling asleep in front of the TV, with its late night reruns of I Love Lucy.

But Richard, doesn't it embarrass you to hate intellectuals? No, of course not, you macho pitchfork wielder at the gates of the mind. So what do you think the brain is for? To count the cans of beer lined up on top of the fence to be shot off by the latest weapon bought at the gun shop next door to the church and tavern? Sadly, the right wing hatred of intellectualls sometimes really gets out of hand. You ever hear of Pol Pot, Richie? I ask because as it appears you are an Umeruhcan, your grasp of affairs beyond the amber waves of grain is probably nil. Anyway, he hated 'em too. He rounded up all the intellectuals in Cambodia, especially academics! and had them shot. Bet you'd like to do the same. 'Fess up, Ricky.

I know we are all anxious to hear more from the liberal bastion of the world, after all, your rhetoric and lack of knowledge, foresight or presentation of any plan whatsoever has been so highly effective so far---so keep it up!!, keep them articles and quotes coming, scream from the highest mountaintop, rail at the intellectually inferior, scorn the majority, hate Bush & America, despise us, have some riveting coffee shop barefoot bash sessions; because I know, in my heart and mind I know, you are doing the world a service-encourage Hillary clinton to run, castigate Tony Blair-keep it up, please keep it up-----the harm you are doing your cause is imeasureable so congrats, you should be proud of your convictions and life's work, really, very proud, you panzy assed coward pieces of shit---

Richard, you did mention Hilary. Good boy! And you rightly acknowledge your intellectual inferiority, albeit via projection. Let me assure you we do have plans, plans to make life a lot easier for people who scuffle but still can't get it together. I know you hate the idea of wealth distribution, but don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating Socialism or Communism. Like Capitalism, they have rorted the heart of humanity. The human race is capable of doing much better. Trouble is, worshippers of power over the weak like yourself keep insuring that one or the other stays alive.

I wonder what kind of fucked up parents you had to make you feel such hatred towards the 'pansy-assed'. (That's right, Richie, it's pansy, not panzy. Perhaps you were thinking of Panzer? Of course you were, you naughty little Nazi.) Maybe you're dad made you suck him off year after year and the only way you can deal with it is to hate homosexuals.

Well, let me assure you that I am not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. (You probably hate Seinfeld too.) You don't realise it, but over the centuries the creative vigour and intellectual rigour of the gay community and the Jews (whom I sense you also despise) have been largely responsible for getting the human race off all fours. I know, I know. Your knuckles are still scraping the ground and you hate those of us who stand on our own two feet.

Perhaps if I was gay, my sensibilities would be more refined. As it is, if the repression you and your beloved totalitarian governments "espouse" gets too close and you force a revolution, I will be there to snap your neck like a twig and walk away without so much as a backward glance. But hey, I'm getting too worked up here. Maybe there's a bit of Nazi in me too, in that sometimes I get sick of trying to reason with right wing subhumans and just want to do away with them. I've always thought Dr Mengele thumbed the wrong crew. He should have saved the Jews and sent scumbags like yourself to the chambers. But then he and Adolph would have had to gas themselves as well. Silly me.

--one thing, should you and your countrymen be in need of assistance, call Chirac, because I think you'll find the coffee houses closed here---now hurry and find your bong and your wheat grass health drink, get to your oxygen bar and watch your tofu intake, and thank you kindly for your contributions to society, where would the world be without ya? I shudder to think; oh, and I would be most, most anxious to have a reply, really I would, if you can rip yourself from your pilates workout---been fun, bye-bye now

You're not entirely without a sense of humour, Richo. Some of these vegans make me want to puke too. But speaking of bongs, I have a great idea for your rehabilitation back into the human race. Say, 3000 micrograms of LSD to be administered every 24 hours in a small paisley-wallpapered room in front of a TV playing the speeches of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush over and over again. I think you'd come out of it a new man.

Short of that, I think it would be best for all of us if you would commit suicide in a quiet lonely place. I know you don't have the character for such a noble act, and that you'd probably want to take a bunch of innocent people with you. Oh, well. With your shrunken world view, you'll probably earn lots of money on the backs of people you've used mercilessly. But in the end, if you die screaming of cancer, I hope you have really clear visions of the unnecessary pain you and yours have caused the human race.