METHODE 1: (Mild hangover)

• 1 can chili without beans
• 1 box Macaroni and Cheese
• 1 red onion
• 1 quart Gatorade
• Tabasco Sauce
• Corn Chips

This is for an occasional medium hang down. If you can remember, before you pass out the night before, consume three glasses of water. When you awaken, consume 1 quart of water and lie down with a hot water bottle on your pathetic head in a darkened room for one hour. Now, it is time to get well. Crawl to the nearest market and get the above ingredients. When and if you get home, heat chili, add one tablespoon Tabasco, one half onion chopped and top with corn chips. Eat quickly, alternating with large gulps of Gatorade. You may lose this entire meal in the toilet bowl but you must try again (Best to buy two cans of chili). When this is down, cool your searing mouth with a bottle of icy cold beer and one Tylenol with codeine. Return to bed for a half hour. Follow directions on box of Macaroni and Cheese and eat with remaining Gatorade. Another bottle of cold beer and it's gone! This has a 90 per cent effective rate.

METHODE 2: (Deadly hangover)

• One lemon
• Tabasco sauce
• Worcestershire sauce
• Hot horseradish
• Vodka
• Tomato or V8 Juice

This is my finest accomplishment to date. You must be warned to follow these directions to a tea. Do not take this methode unseriously. Begin your Godawful morning with one gallon of water. Take a large glass and add two tablespoons of Tabasco, 4 dashes of Worcestershire, 1 tablespoon of hot horseradish, 1 teaspoon of Lemon Juice, two shots of Vodka and fill glass with chilled tomato or V-8 juice. Stir well.

With one hand, hang on to something sturdy and with the other hand, down the foul elixir non-stop. Within seconds your heart will go into temporary arrest. As you fall to the floor screaming, your mouth and nostrils will be on fire from the Tabasco and horseradish and sweat will pour from your poisoned body. Your stomach will feel as if you have swallowed a hand grenade (pin pulled). With luck, the capsicum in the Tabasco should re-start the heart. If not, you go bye-bye and don't have to worry about the hangover. If you live, all will be well within five minutes. Spend the rest of the day quietly resting and sipping cold beer.

There is only a 10 per cent fatality rate on this one. Pretty good, Non?