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Although there was always a danger inherent in Labor's scheme to spend several years feigning invisibility before the election campaign, you can't deny Kim Beazley has been beset by rotten misfortune.

But for a boatload of Afghan "terrorists" and a few planeloads of suicide hijackers, John and Janette might have been spending this weekend plastering sticky labels on all the furniture in readiness for the removalists.

It's true that in politics, as in life, you make your own luck, but even the most sadistic fantasist could not have dreamed up such a dramatic political upheaval. And since luck, like confidence, tends to run in streaks, it's safe to predict the election campaign will evolve as follows:

WEEK 1: Keen to get Labor off to a flyer, Beazley opens the campaign promising to construct fully funded Knowledge Nation centres in every electorate. Each KNC will contain a new public hospital, primary and secondary schools, daycare, nursing home, detention centre, rollback refund ATM and Simon Crean punching bag. But plans for newspaper wrap-arounds -- "KNC: Kim Likes It Like That" -- and TV documentaries are scrapped when a half-hour video, Osama bin Laden -- My Message to the World, is obtained by the BBC. Sensationally, bin Laden specifically threatens Australia, declaring: "Anyone standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the US -- and that means you, Iron John Howard -- will be a target." As the PM remains defiant, Labor's KNC is covered in the News in Brief columns.

WEEK 2: Explosive tapes reveal John Anderson was fully aware of Ansett's horrendous financial situation yet refused to act. Transcripts include this extraordinary secret January exchange:

Gary Toomey: Listen, you idiot. I'll say it for the 18th time. Ansett is completely f.....

Anderson: Ansett? That's an airline, isn't it?

But as Labor dubs dozens of copies for media distribution, George W. Bush launches the first strike against the Taliban. Local TV coverage switches to blanket CNN. In his address to the world, Bush pays tribute to Iron John's unwavering support.

WEEK 3: Desperate for political traction, Beazley announces a revamped rollback package removing GST from goods and services. Labor also promises a four-day working week, free beer on Saturdays and public floggings for any Asian or Arab-looking criminals. Moments after Beazley declares: "Well, that went pretty well", the PM announces a crack Special Air Service unit has infiltrated Afghanistan and captured bin Laden. Howard arranges for an official Kirribilli House handover to the US.

WEEK 4-election night: Astonishingly, Beazley is still in a cliff-hanger that will be determined by a handful of West Australian seats. But the Australian Electoral Commission reveals that a stuff-up in the West led to rejected Florida voting machines being used for the first time. As an embattled bureaucrat declares: "Jeb sold them to us cheap", Howard is returned by a handful of pregnant chads.

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