A marriage made in Flatland
Harold Hark
4 July 2003

The face of father's little dividend, Melanie Howard, graced the pages of the SMH and The Age today, along with her hubby to be, Sydney lawyer Rowan McDonald.

A classic factory-roll out replica of everyone else in his field, McDonald looks like just the sort of lawyer you'd want to hire if you were accused of bilking a bunch of scumbag workers out of every cent coming to them. With the cheesy smile of an overgrown Young Liberal who never even thought of masturbating--"it's a nasty thing the lower classes do"--he will be the perfect match to carry on the Howard family tradition of spoon-feeding servant-coaxed sperm into the relevant thingumajiggy rather than engaging in filthy bodily contact.

The SMH article lists Melanie's early forays into the wild world of the privileged, in which she once "produced a student revue, drove an MG convertible, wore leather mini-skirts, loved ballet, and painted her toenails blue." Goodness gracious, didn't she sow her wild oats!

Indeed, like all children of the wealthy ruling class so ably represented by her father's Illiberal Party, she studied ballet for simply years, often attending first nights at the Australian Ballet (at taxpayers expense). It is rumoured that she even knew the names of the composers of the ballets--"wasn't that Shostakofiev?"--a little detail most plutocratic ballet-goers are unfamiliar with.

Little is known of the groom, but, according to Valerie Lawson who wrote the SMH article (link above), his firm's website lists him as a "special counsel, corporate and commercial". (I couldn't find such a phrase, but then my eyes glaze over when confronted with such esoteric nonsense.) Members of the lesser demographic known as "perspirationals", that is, those of us whose pungent body odours mean that we engage in real life on a daily basis, will have little idea what that means. But Jodee and Rodney and Brad do!

No date has been set for the wedding, but it will surely be the social highlight of the year in Vichy-down-under.

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