The Little Johnny Howard Songbook - Chimneyfish
- Maurice Fairfield
- Harold Hark
I Told a Lie
(to the tune of 'Cos I got high') The Rodent called a poll for October 9
He said I'm the man of steel, I'm Bush's bride
The cabinet was worried, but he just smiled
I'll just tell a lie, just tell a lie, just tell a lie
I won in 2001 'cos I told a lie
I said they threw kids overboard, and that was a lie
Those refugees were easy to demonise
I just told a lie, just told a lie, just told a lie
I became PM again, when I told a lie
I said there'd be no GST, and that was a lie (Never ever, dude)
I told 'em taxes won't increase, again I lied (It's all non core brother)
Yeah I told a lie, another lie, another lie
No $100,000 degrees, now that was a lie
No FTA without ag, and that was a lie (You don't need no sugar, baby)
Now the worm is turning south, and I know why (Oh Why)
Cos I tell lies, Itell lies, I tell lies
I'll cut foreign debt, that was a lie
Keep funding Medicare, that was a lie (They fell for that one too)
The stole generation I still deny ( I love that Pauline girl)
I keep telling lies, keep telling lies, keep telling lies
I took us off to war based on a lie (freedom and democracy man)
I said Saddam would kill us all, and blow us sky high (Let's kick some Iraqi ass)
I said he had WMD's that he could hide
But that was a lie, that was a lie, that was a lie
My party gets a little scared, when I tell a lie (Ooooooohhhh)
They worry that we won't win, cos I tell lies (Oh Johnny are you sure?)
But I know voters won't care and I tell 'em why (Why's that Johnny?)
I'll give 'em a bribe, give 'em a bribe, give 'em a bribe (Nice one man)
There's no way Latham can win, and that's no lie (No way)
If he looks like getting close I'll tell another lie (That's right baby)
I'll say that interest rates are gonna go sky high (Sky high)
And I'll win again, I'll be PM, cos I tell lies (What was that again)
Yeah I told a lie, I told a lie, I told a lie Top Schoolboy Ethics We're not going to cut and run
We'll stay till the job is done
We're big and tough here in Australia
We'll hang in and never fail yer
Socialists and greenies may
Flee to fight another day
We'll stay till the job is done
We will never cut and run
Downer and his buddy John
Show example to us all
Marching in the desert sun
They will never cut and run
Through the smoke and stink of battle
As the mighty gunships roar
And Iraqis die like cattle
Their resolve is strong and sure
Rifles ready in their hand
Issuing their stern command
Like their granddads gone before
Thirsting for another war
Showing the way to you and me
Think about Gallipoli
If your courage starts to fail
Think of all those Anzacs who
Would have voted for John Howard
If they'd lived to have the chance
If the chance were in their reach
Dying on that bloody beach
Present folly ancient loss
Who cares if he stays the boss?
Blood and sorrow Death and pain
These the facts that will remain
When the votes are counted in
When these scruffy little men
Plump and feeble short of breath
Feed off other peoples death Top John Winston Howard Is Saying His Prayers
(Based on A.A. Milne's "Christopher Robin is Saying his Prayers") Little man kneels at the foot of the bed
Droops on the little hands little bald head
Hush, hush, whisper who dares
John Winston Howard is saying his prayers.
God bless Ruddock, I know that's right
He's got the refugees stitched up tight
The Iraqis are beat and I'm miles away
God bless Georgie who has to stay.
I'm way ahead of poor old Crean
And getting away with policies mean
The tax cuts I offer will buy some time
The voters are so bloody dim it's a crime.
The housing bubble is going to burst
But I might get to call an election first
And if I get in for another term
I don't need to worry, I'll smile as they squirm.
There's just one thing that would make me whole
A little explosion on our soil
With nobody dead and not too much blood
In fact just enough to make me look good.
Thank you God for a lovely run
That one little thing and the job's nearly done
The terrorist card is the one I'll play
To keep me in power forever and a day.
Little man kneels at he foot of the bed
Droops on the little hands little bald head
Hush, hush nobody cares
John Winston Howard has fallen downstairs. Top The Infighter
(With acknowledgment to "The Boxer' by Simon and Garfunkel) I am just a pollie
and my story's quickly told
I have sold your independence
for a pocket full of Sheriff Bush's promises
All lies and jest
but I'll tell you what you want to hear
you'll disregard the rest
I'm as cunning as a ferret
and as stubborn as a mule
And I never lose a trick
'cause I've got a golden rule
that always works for me
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Now when I'm asked a question
I don't give a straight reply
'Cause I've got the best spin doctors
who can always show me howto dodge around the point
And in a while, some other thing
will catch your eye and you'll forget
the things that might have bothered you
The weapons of mass destruction
and the children overboard
The 'never ever,' GST
The houses that the first home buyers can't afford
and ethanol
I got away with all of these
and I'll use the same old tactics
for as long as I may please
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Now I am just a pollie
but my grip on power's strong
I've got no opposition
and an easy-going people
I can string along
A windy Press
and Channel Seven interviewers
who'll give me easy rides, no need for policies
Well they say I'm mean and tricky
and they really got it right
My eye is sharp, my heart is cold
no sucker gets an even break
When I'm around
And when I've sold
the last thing that you own
and we're the fifty second state
I'll hand you all
to Abbott on a plate
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie Top The Boy From Kirribilli
(To the tune of 'The Girl From Ipanema') Small and bald and old and homely
The boy from Kirribilli goes walking
And when he passes each one he passes goes 'ouch!'
While reporters are sychophanting
And camera crews are salivating
And when he passes each one he passes goes 'hmmm'
Thinking of Medicare levies
Wearing the Vodafone logo
Guarded by ASIO heavies
But each day as he walks in the park
His thoughts are corrosive and dark
Sharp and cold and mean and tricky
The boy from Kirribilli goes walking
And when he passes he smiles but the voters don't see
They don't see... Top Ah, Look At All The Frightened People
(To the tune of 'Eleanor Rigby') Ah, look at all the frightened people
Ah, look at all the frightened people
John Winston Howard
Leading us all by the nose
till we're next for the chop
Look at him smiling
Heaping it on with a spade
while he's stirring us up
Why does he do it?
All the frightened people
admiring leaders bold
All the frightened people
all doing as they're told
Posting us magnets, kidding us all
to believe that the foe's at the gate
Feeding us bullshit
Breeding a climate of terror and hate
Votes on a plate
All the frightened people
doing as they're told
All the frightened people
doing as they're told
All those Iraqi's, crushed in the ruins
of what was their home
Look at them bleeding
John Winston Howard counting the votes
as he welcomes the troops coming home
To his white picket world
All the frightened people
doing as they're told
All the frightened people
doing as they're told Top Just Move On If you're asked an awkward question just move on
If they make a rude suggestion just move on
When you're lying like a trooper looking forward to your super
And you've made another blooper just move on
When the refugees are drowning just move on
When decent folk are frowning just move on
When you're squirming like an otter just keep acting like a rotter
If the water's getting hotter just move on
Singing ki yi yippy yippy yi
You won't go top heaven when you die
When the chasm yawns beneath take a tip from Peter Reith
Keep on lying in your teeth just move on
Though Iraqi kids are dying just move on
Though their mothers may be crying just move on
Though the weapons of mass destruction are a CIA construction
And there's going to be a ruction just move on
Singing ki yi yippy let 'em die
And you'll fool all the people by and by
Though the news may be distressing and your problems may be pressing
Tell the people what they want is to move on
When they catch you with egg upon your face
When your reputation's heading for disgrace
When your carcass starts to smell you can still do very well
You can tough it out in Hell just move on Top Man Of Steel in Russian is Stalin
(based on Shakespeare's Dirge from "Cymbeline") Who's chock full of sex-appeal?
Johnny Howard, the man of steel
Who's as slippery as an eel?
Johnny Howard, the man of steel
Who's magnanimous in victory
As the base Iraqis flee?
Whose lament is valedictory
For the vanishing G-G?
Johnny Howard, the shout goes up
Pop the cork and fill the cup
At his frown opponents reel
Johnny Howard, the man of steel
Whose hide is thick, whose eye is cold
When his prisons he surveys?
Where forgotten refugees
Pass the cruel wasted days
As he fronts up for a pat
On his sleek submissive head
From the man who points us all
Up the fascist road ahead
Say goodbye democracy
And to social outcome just
Naked power is all the go
Say goodbye to human trust
Still and all perhaps there'll be
Better days for you and me
Golden lads and girls all must
As chimney sweepers come to dust
So wrote Shakespeare: (he should know
Shakespeare knew the bloody lot)
The fires of Hell eternal glow
Their flames are fierce, their coals are hot
He may smell as sweet as Revlon
Armour plated sheathed in Teflon
Engraved in fire his doom is spelt
Steel can rust and steel can melt Top When Johnny Comes Marching Home When Johnny comes marching home again, hooray, hooray
We'll wait on the quay as the brass bands play, hooray, hooray
With his rifle slung in his sunburned hand and his desert boots all covered in sand
And we'll shake our heads when Johnny comes marching home
He'll pose at the head of returning troops, hooray, hooray
He'll talk about Anzacs old and new, hooray, hooray
With a hat with the brim turned up at the side and a cheesy grin of oafish pride
And we'll turn away when Johnny comes marching home
We'll hang our heads as the victors pass, hooray, hooray
Ashamed of the pacifist parts we played, hooray, hooray
The armchair warriors clap and cheer, the result of the war that he never got near
And they'll vote for him when Johnny comes marching home
He'll tell us he won the war for us, hooray, hooray
Forgetting about the bills there'll be, to pay, to pay
The blood on his hands so red, so red, the children maimed and the children dead
And we'll weep for them when Johnny comes marching home Top Arse-licking Johnny
(to the tune of "Villikins and his Dinah") Arse-licking Johnny flew out to the west
In all the wide world his aim was the best
His tongue at the ready, a fire in his breast
Just show him an arsehole and he'd do the rest
Tooralay, tooraly, the king of arse-lickers lives over our way
It didn't take long when it came to a push
To show off his talent for President Bush
And then he decided the very next thing
To jet off to Rome and to kiss the Pope's ring
Tooraly, tooraloy, when you talk about crawling then Johnny's your boy
Well Johnny's a crawler with only one aim
To play with the big boys is his favourite game
The U.S.Of A. laughs (when he turns his back)
As he lines us all up for a war with Iraq
Tooraly, tooralee, it's a dangerous hobby for you and for me
Now this little fellow may do as he'll please
But we're not a people who live on our knees
Let's show the whole world that we're proud Aussies yet
And give him the elbow the first chance we get
Tooraly, toorelee, arse-licking Johnny does not speak for me Top Onward Chicken Hawk's Soldiers Onward token army you have naught to fear
Warlike Johnny Howard leads you from the rear
Hear his sabre rattle, clear our warship's decks
See the lust for battle gleam behind his specs
Forward into battle hear the bugle's notes
Watch the man who leads us trade your lives for votes
See the flare of rockets, hear the roar of guns
See the man who leads us sacrifice our sons
Forward Aussie soldiers naught your aim can spoil
Helping Bush's cronies to Iraqi oil
Onward token army you have naught to fear
Gallant Johnny Howard leads you from the rear Top Australian Liberal Party Psalm
(freely adapted from the 42nd Psalm) The Howard is my shepherd, I shall not win
He maketh me to lie down with George Bush whether I like it or not
He leadeth me into hot waters
He risketh my soul
He leadeth me in the paths of unrighteousness and unjust war even for His own votes' sake
He anointeth himself with Oil
Yea though I walk head on into suffering and loss
I will hear no reason, for He is a tough and charismatic leader
His spin doctors and his staff bamboozle me
He scareth me into obedience, He supplieth me with enemies
Surely deceit and folly will follow me all my days until the next election
And He will dwell in the House of Representatives for ever Top John Howard Was A Non-Core Little Man
(based on "John Hardy" by the Carter Family) John Howard, he was a non-core little man
He carried a cold, black heart
He sold his country down the line
To the corporations waitin' in the dark
John Howard, he got to his third election
He thought that he would be free
But up stepped Justice and took him by his arm
Saying, "Little Johnny come along with me"
John sent for the Axeman and Peter Reith, too
To come and fix his awful mess
But lies won't win in the final run
And Justice told John Howard to confess
John Howard, he said "Be comfortable
I've done no wrong, can't you see
For All of us who toe the corporate line
are so relaxed and sitting pretty"
But Justice said, "John that will not do
Australia is dying on her feet
Your narrow mind has turned this once fair land
To a cesspool of dumbed down dirty cheats"
John Howard he had a cold little wife
The words he often used were hers
She followed John Howard to his just reward
Saying, "Johnny, they caught us unawares"
I've been to the east and I've been to the west
I've trod many grains of sand
But never have I seen such a mean little man
John Howard, the traitor to his land (Background and Original Lyrics) Top John The Desecrator
(based on "John The Revelator" by Blind Willie Johnson) CHORUS
Tell me, who's that a-lyin'? John the Desecrator
Who's that a-lyin'? John the Desecrator
Who's that a-lyin'? John the Desecrator
Hey, five years of treachery
Tell me, Why's John a-lyin'? He's a desecrator
Why's John a-lyin'? He's a desecrator
Why's John a-lyin'? He's a desecrator
Hey, five years of treachery
---
Little Johnny Howard came a-slinkin' to the Hill
The soul of Australia his mission to kill
He finally got his turn to divide the nation
Stuck a white picket stake in reconciliation
CHORUS
He fought for the rights of the toffs on high
Said, "The rest are Un-Australian, why don't they die"
He took away our schools, took away our health
Sold the last fair-go to Yankee jailers by stealth
CHORUS
John the Desecrator, great advocator
Of Masters throwin' servants down in the bin
Get's em votin' Liberal, though it aint natural
For folks to sell their souls with no chance to win
CHORUS
John he cried, "Holy is the bottom line"
He found the fountain, his tax to enshrine
Economic Judas, philistine without passion
Redeemed himself on the carcass of the ashen
CHORUS
Well, Menzies poor Menzies, watchin' the flock
Turned in his grave whenever John did talk
Menzies told Kimmy, put on your shoes
Go and rid this country of its Desecrator Blues
CHORUS (Original Lyrics) Top |
