Howard Frantic To Find Another Tampa
Harold Hark
26 March 2004

Should foreign for e'er sight our coast.
Or dare a foot to land,
We'll rouse to arms like sires of yore
To guard our native strand.
Britannia then shall surely know,
Beyond wide oceans roll
Her sons in fair Australia's land
Still keep a British soul.
In joyful strains let us sing
Advance Australia Fair.
Last verse of Advance Australia Fair, 1942 version

The words are different now, but the ethos lingers on: sexist and patriotic, with an immature need to remain loyal subjects of a colonial power.

Today only the sexism remains the same. John Howard has updated Britannia to America, importing that nation's exaggerated sense of patriotism as if it were every Australian's duty to wave the Yankee flag, no matter the reason, no matter the cost.

Witness the Government's resurgence from the nine count canvas of the past few weeks as it thrusts a terrorist wedge into the heart of confused Aussies over Mark Latham's decision to bring our troops home from Iraq by Christmas.

The subject of troop removal has the potential to once again polarise the nation: do we abandon the Iraqis to the fate Bush has assigned to them, or hang in there until Halliburton makes its billions.

The responses to Latham's plan have been hysterical. Illiberal MP Ross Cameron took the cake with this doozy: "Today, in the mountains of West Pakistan, Osama bin Laden is stroking his beard and celebrating the advent of Mark Latham."

Under the headline "Latham's words 'like bullets' for our forces," John Kerin reports in The Australian:

"Australia's troops in Iraq are more likely to be targeted by terrorists following Mark Latham's declaration he wants them out after the handover of sovereignty to an Iraqi administration at the end of June, defence experts have warned. 'If the terrorists think they can make Australia leave Iraq, then the troops are more vulnerable to attack,' said Professor Ross Babbage, head of ANU's Strategic and Defence Studies Centre."

Aiding and abetting the right wing outcry is Thomas Schieffer, the American Ambassador to Australia, who for the second time has broken protocol by weighing in on behalf of his Master Georgie's faux war. According to Schieffer Mark Latham should think twice about countering Dubya's efforts to win reconstruction contracts for his cronies. There cannot help but be an implied "or else!". Such an interference is inexcusable in the world of diplomacy, but the rules apparently do not apply to America's colony down under.

One wag wrote to The Age, wondering if the Australian ambassador in Washington might return the favour with some cogent advice for Bush.

At any rate, Little Winny, like some nocturnal carnivore constantly on the move for something smaller than itself to snuff, took little time to rejuvenate his cunning knack for finding in Babbage's remarks the wedge he needed, in effect saying:

"Labor is soft on terrorism, Latham is jeopardising the safety of our troops, they're all gonna die, never mind that I was the one that sent them there for several no good reasons, all of which were lies as well, and never mind that I was the first one to say they'd be out in months not years. I didn't mean it then and I won't mean what I'm saying now as soon as I have a reason to say something different. The mugs never remember anyway."

He keeps forgetting that more and more people are realising that everything he says is based on political expedience and never on principle or honour or the well being of Australians.

You can smell the fear exuding from the members of the Coalition of the Willing. They are being found out all over the world and they are reacting like an alien bursting from the stomach of its host. The screams are about to get horrifying.

The immediate result is confusion. The situation in Iraq appears to have caught us all in a moral quagmire, and we may not get out of it without something like World War III eventuating. It has become almost impossible to think clearly about the abominable situation these right wing lunatics have gotten the world into.

I agree entirely with the new Spanish PM, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, who has said that all Spanish troops will be pulled out of Iraq by 30 June unless the United Nations takes over.

As to why this seems reasonable and sane, try these on for size:

1) We now know that the assault on Iraq was never a war on terrorism. It was a diversionary adventure to get rid of the dictator who tried to kill Dubya's dad, to secure oil reserves, to award reconstruction contracts, and to kick start the American Empire in earnest.

2) Iraq is now a hotbed of terrorism as a direct result.

3) John Howard signed Australia on to this illegal invasion because weedy little Mortimers like him always act like stunned mullets before inarticulate bullies (or maybe Dubya's squinty, close set eyes turn him on) and because it looked good as a re-election issue.

4) Whether or not Australian troops--or Spanish or Polish or Italian troops--remain in their insignificant numbers to morally bolster the American occupation force, they will in no way insure that Iraq becomes a democratic or a stable nation. Their presence, and risk to life, is primarily a token participation to make the Americans look good.

5) The ultimate result of the Bush Administration's foolhardy and tragic adventure will have been the eventual establishment of a fundamentalist Muslim state. Once the civil war is over.

6) The only possible way to avoid such a calamity, and it may be far too late, is for the United Nations to step in and for America and its axis of stooges to get out entirely.

7) Australian and other troops could then become part of the United Nations peacekeeping force. No one in the world would argue with that.

8) If the madmen in Washington refuse to allow the United Nations to take over, then Australia should withdraw from the debacle altogether, and leave the lesson of Vietnam II to the fools who started it.

9) Finally, no matter what happens, Al Qaeda has had more than a year to mobilise because of the Iraqi diversion. Because of Bush's folly, the followers of Osama bin Laden have scored a stunning victory over the so-called civilised world.

In the meantime, wedge politics reigns as usual. In the coming months, the real security of this nation will hinge on how Australians respond to the Machiavellian contortions of John Howard.

The chips are not down, yet. But John Howard will try to convince everyone they are. Latham's habit of talking first and thinking later has perhaps given Howard his Tampa II, or something like it. His problem is that this time the majority is agreeing with Latham.

The master obfuscator may yet rise to win another election. All he needs are a few well timed terrorist attacks. You can bet that, like Osama bin Laden, he'll be praying for them.

If he succeeds in pulling it off, he will have convinced the larvals among us, in the finest Orwellian tradition, that the bleeding obvious is anything but. If he wins, it will be the fourth time Australians have been conned on behalf of evil's lowest common denominator.

See Matt Price: Cut and run, not Ruddy likely