Dear Barbara Bush
Mary Dagmar Davies
3 February 2004

RE: The Galactic Ambitions Of Your Son George W. Bush

I am sorry to have to inform you that your little boy George W. is proving a disruptive influence. Parents are complaining that he is a bully and has caused harm to many children. His ambition appears to exceed his abilities and he appears to have little regard for consequences. Rather than facing responsibility or owning up to his mistakes he prefers to seek other amusements and diversions. He has been given enormous freedom of expression and it is thus no longer possible to feel this child is suffering low self-esteem. But he continues to be unable to make new friends or repair the damage he has done in previous friendships.

Sadly, however innocent he appears and whatever stories he tells to justify his actions, we have to recognise that young George is a bully. The only boys who appear comfortable in his presence are little Johnny Howard and tiny Tony Blair. Both these boys are very lonely and therefore easily led. However, Tony is appearing a little anxious these days, but then he is the more sensitive of the two.

One of the youth leaders has handed me a piece of paper found in the remains of the sandpit which was vandalised last year and continues to be an area of conflict among the bigger boys. George had been practising writing his home address. In sending you a copy of the text I have left his many spelling errors intact. Errors most likely caused by his lack of understanding of the locations to which he refers. Please read:

G. W. Bush
The Big Bullees Rilly Secret Socytee,
Daddy's ranch,
Crawford,
Texass,
The Wite Hous,
Afganstan,
Ayrak,
The World,
The Galxsee,
The Univurs

I fear this may be indicative of a serious behavioural problem. His unfounded accusations have already led many of the less talented lads into making very bad decisions. It is not known how many have joined this gang of his, which he outspokenly claims to be a secret society, if it in fact exists. You must realise this badly penned and presented address is likely to cause enormous distress to all responsible parents. They are no longer willing to tolerate your son's diversionary tactics or believe any of his claims.

Mrs Bush, your son is not without ability. Teachers observe that he is able to remember and quote back long tracts of information and is able to give the appearance of understanding and believing in what he is saying. It is however also noted that when he departs from the text he is quoting he becomes muddled and has clearly learnt nothing except the rhetoric.

The problems your son has, and the problems he causes, are beyond the ability of any educator to correct. George Jr is obsessed with out-performing his father and I am concerned that he is either experiencing difficulty with family relationships or there is a failure within the home to impart respect for the rights of others. However I am not in the practise of shifting blame to the parents and I suspect it is beyond your ability as a mother to deal with a child who, while he shows a fondness for dogs, is capable of inflating a live frog and laughing with his friends as it explodes.

George cannot be allowed to remain where he can have such power over others. It is the opinion of our educators and those involved in the psychology of leadership that psychiatric assessment is required. I am aware you love your son and want to give him the world. Unfortunately it seems even the world will not satisfy your privileged and extremely fortunate boy.

From the office of the Principal.