SCUM AT THE TOP

"Umeruhca"
by Jerzy Wiçiçiwiç

I HAVE KNOWN THE ASININE HAROLD HARK for most of my meaningless life. Through these absurd years, I have been constantly amazed (and disturbed) by his Quixotic attempts to right the wrongs of this diseased world. Of late, his requests that I write an occasional report on the ludicrous events occurring in the Land of the Free (my home for some time now) have been relentless. As he saved my life one drunken night by heroically extracting a pickled egg lodged in the bowels of my throat, I have had to succumb to his tenacious requests in the hope that the ledger will be squared and that this manic, rabid man will leave me alone to pursue my aimless life in some semblance of peace.

Beginning with the next issue of SCATT my own manic, rabid view of this twisted country will be available to all three or four readers of this thankfully unknown tabzine.

All the gang will be there:

William Jefferson Clinton, aka Slick Willie, the man who introduced a sperm-stained Monica Lewinsky to the world, then bombed an aspirin factory in Afghanistan to get her off the front pages. Yes, the very the man who let the UN go to hell while selling out the liberals in his bid to become the most corrupt President of modern times.

Slick Willie's mentor and wife, Hillary, who not only failed to bring a health plan to this country but set it back ten years, and who may still not win in her bid for New York state senator against a fascist with prostate cancer who--gasp!--has a mistress!

Al Gore, who looks and talks like a petrified tree, and George Bush Jr, the illiterate son of the illiterate fuck-up responsible for "Desert Storm", Saddam's previous and continued reign, and, it is alleged, the crack epidemic (from his insidious days as the drug-importing head of the CIA). The stunning ineptness of these two spoiled sons of wealth's elite should inspire many guffaws in the upcoming race for the big brass ring!

Janet Reno, the fearless Attorney General who brought us Waco and is about to send little Elian Gonzales back to the sugar fields in Cuba.

The do nothing Republican congress and the right wing fanatics therein.

The trials and tribulations of Bill Gates, the man we all see whenever we look through our windows.

Umeruhcans in all walks of life, who, with money jingling in their pockets, could care less about the world.

Being mostly apolitical, I find great entertainment value in not only politics and politicians, but in the captured, self-censoring, all too serious corporate-owned media that refuses to see the humor in this pathetic progress of fools. The year 2000 should be a fun filled year with exciting and interesting people doing their best to soil themselves in this part of the planet. See you next issue.

Top    Next Issue