| Australia's Journal of Political Character Assassination | Melbourne, Australia |
SCUM AT THE TOP | Next Issue: 3 Mar 2001 |
| Editor: Harold Hark | Volume 5 Number 2 |
Frank Lloyd Wright |
As we go to cyberpress, ABC staff members are being interviewed by the Federal Police over a leaked document published in the Sydney Morning Herald way back in January. The ABC document purported to show that 55 new executive positions have been created by Jonathan Shier to the tune of $7.5 million worthless Aussie dollahs! Responsibility for this act of corporate terrorism is being claimed by David Hodgkinson, head of ABC internal auditing. He denies that Shier had anything to do with it, but others say the word came from Shier himself. So how does the leaked document constitute a threat to national security? For why else should the Federal Police be called in? The truth is a debagged cat for which Shier and henchman Hodgkinson are determined to find the culprit--seen by the rest of us as a hero--and make him or her pay mightily for it. Pollies from all sides have come out against this police action in no uncertain terms. If Labor comes to power, one of their first priorities, after saying sorry to Aboriginals, should be to sack Shier. Pay the bastard out and send him packing. For Australia's sake, call an early election John Howard, and cut your losses. One honourable decision would be better than the appalling nil you've got on the board now. Floral Frocked Frump Flays Fogeys; Greens Grab Goals Australia's grammatical answer to Dubbya the Dumb, Pauline Hanson, stepped in at the last minute to remind Western Australian voters that the incumbents were crumbling like Buffy's vampires. With a swing of but 1.8 per cent, Labor cannot claim to have done it on their own. In a year that will see many strange twists of electoral fate, One Nation is set to provide the visceral backdrop of dissent, with the Green-environment vote set to give the nation some real hope. What a pity that a party of the intellectually challenged has to take on the banner of outrage against the Labor and Liberal joint betrayal of the electorate. On a Federal level, the Greens are still too small, the Democrats gave us the GST, and One Nation's solution of closing the doors and pulling the blinds simply will not do. So we bid farewell to ageing Hitler Youth look-alike, Richard Court, and his band of taciturn grafters. Enter Geoff Gallup, known as a man with a mind. Now, that is refreshing. But, ogeegosh, one has to wonder what he'll do with it now he is head of the pack. Victorians were pleased with Steve Bracks initially; many still are. But, while Bracks was never noted for an invigorating mind, he did appear to have the interests of the people at heart. Not so, says the experience of a year and a half. In fact, he may even be worse than his predecessor. At least Jeff Kennett never claimed to be more than a one-dim. Bracks, on the other hand, stays almost permanently out of focus. Of course the Federal Government is blaming the Coalition loss in WA solely on Richard Court, nothing to do with them. Resolutely enshrouded in their born to rule solipsism, nothing is going to persuade Howard Government ministers to heed any ides anywhere. They are quite simply incapable of it. How else explain their nearly fascist hauteur to every policy criticism since 1996? They exist in a vacuum of disdain. Can you imagine having an earnest exchange of ideas with Michael Wooldridge on, say, the concept of conflict of interest or the gutting of the public health system? With Philip Ruddock on his inhumane treatment of the boat people? With Peter Reith on conflict of interest and the necessary place that unions have in a democracy? With Tony Abbot on the rudimentary intellectual requirements for office? With Richard Alston on the necessary place an independent public broadcaster has in a democracy? Hopefully, we are seeing the gradual demise of this band of sneering hubrisites. Over to you Queensland. Michael Wooldridge, The Sun King of Liberal Party Hubris Has John Faine done it again? Like Jeff Kennett's infamous tea-drinking insult on Faine's Melbourne radio show shortly before his defeat at the polls in 1999, Dr Michael Wooldridge was on the horn to exude the same kind of arrogance and disdain. Whereas Jeff's hubris was aimed at Faine and everyone who disagreed with him, Wooldridge, also facing re-election this year, was aiming at the integrity of resigned board members of the Pharmaceutical Benefits Advisory Committee. Speaking from a considerable distance above the hoi polloi in the hot air balloon of self-conceit, Wooldridge managed to rubbish each and every one of them. One of the rubbished, was Dr Tim Woodruff, vice-president of the Doctors Reform Society. Woodruff had that morning published an article in The Age (see end of article). "Howard's hidden health agenda," in which he outlined the sinister motives behind the appointment of former drug industry chief lobbyist, Pat Clear, to the PBAC. He concluded the article by noting the government's true agenda: "small government; a flourishing, expensive, wasteful private sector; a safety net for the desperate; and the destruction of our universal health insurance scheme (Medicare), which aims to provide high-quality care to all irrespective of income. The result: a more divided society where the well-off enjoy themselves, the very poor have a second-class safety net, and those in between struggle to afford private health insurance." Wooldridge, meanwhile, has fled the country for a trip to Tibet, where he can hob-nob with Chinese torturers and exchange jokes about human rights. Woodruff's article from The Age Fang's Family Theory On Unions Tony "Fang" Abbott, the Dan Quayle of the Liberal Party, has once again shown himself to be the thickest politician in Oz. Now he wants us to believe that bosses and workers are like families and that all workplace problems should be worked out among themselves without interference from outside sources such as unions, courts or governments. Presto chango: 19th Century masters and servants. Which, as we all know, is the primary Liberal Party goal. Not content with this clueless observation, Abbott goes on (albeit in muffled tones owing to the large foot stuck firmly in his mouth) to rail against the idea of unions charging service fees to non-union workers who benefit from deals struck with employees. For the unions it represents an end to freeloading in the workplace. To Abbott and the Howard Government it represents "a thinly disguised return to compulsory unionism." What it amounts to is this: In a workplace comprised of union and non-union members, the union starts negotiations with employers for a better wage deal or better working conditions. They win the deal and all benefit, including non-union members who have merely gone along for the ride. The union now wants these workers to fork over a fee for services rendered. You can bet, however, that even though they will be enjoying better conditions with no input from themselves, they will scream. And the government will be doing everything it can to help them scream louder. Abbott uses the altogether ludicrous, fallacious and idiotic example of taking a holiday and coming back to find someone has painted his house and now wants a couple thousand dollars for it. Boy, is he thick! So what about mutual obligation? User pays? These are the cornerstone's of government master-servant policy. Evidently it doesn't apply when servants take the initiative. Even though the Australian Industrial Relations Commission has given approval to the Electrical Trades Union for such a plan, the Howard Government will come out fighting. What is "business as usual" for free enterprise, suddenly becomes almost communistic when the unions decide to give it a go. Too bad they can't strike deals for members only. That would change the minds of non-unionists pronto. Jungen in Uniform Get a Taste of Future Liberal Party Privilege Typical of Liberals young and old, the boys on trial for sex abuse at Sydney's Trinity Grammar didn't even know what to do with their prey. According to what little we know, all they did was rub up against their victims and do funny things with wooden dildos made in wood shop while the instructor was out to lunch. Or is there more to the story? We'll never know, because the prosecution and defence cut a deal that precluded the evidence of more than 30 witnesses. Justice for toffs sure is swell. Not a problem, eh what boys? Why they were even smirking in court, all dressed up like well paid gunsels. After all, their heroes in the Liberal Party have been getting away with just about everything for years now, why should they worry? A few more years of rowing boats and compassionate conservative racism and they'll be off to bugger the entire country. Managerially or legislatively, of course. The father of one of the boys was almost too busy to attend. He even came with suitcase, ready to board that plane to another board meeting. The mother of the other called the whole thing just another instance of political correctness. After all, these things happen in other places and never go to court. She isn't paying $25,000 a year to have her boy taught ethics and compassion; how would he rise to power? It's bugger or be buggered or both, and isn't it fun. Separates future ministers from future back benchers, and especially future small "l" Libs. Although there is some icky sentencing ahead of them, the boys have moved on to new schools, whose headmasters will no doubt agree with Trinity's Milton Cujes (glad there's an "e" in there instead of an "o"!) that the media is to blame for the whole thing. Oh, why doesn't John Howard just do away with all that troublesome democracy. What a happy, relaxed and comfortable lot we'd all be. Based on a story in The Australian--7/2/01--by Monica Videnieks and Elisabeth Wynhausen.) Preferences Separate Straight From Narrow Where oh where to put One Nation preferences, cry anguished Coalition MP's. As beads of sweat pour off their sloping foreheads, the female Michael Myers of politics is rubbing her hands with glee. It seems Queensland Nationals are breaking ranks to put One Nation ahead of Labor. Their reasoning is that Labor is the enemy and One Nation is a conservative party just like theirs. (In fact many of John Howard's policies have been pure One Nation.) The tragedy of this thinking proves that sitting MP's are concerned with getting re-elected and not with what is good for Australia. For surely Labor is not the enemy, it is merely the opposition. And not a very opposing opposition at that. If you think One Nation is better for Australia than Labor, you should hang your head in shame. On your way out of office. Just read an article in The Australian's Media about "Hillary Bray," the anonymous political columnist at Stephen Mayne's Crikey. com.au. Hey, what about me, unheralded Hark? Just kidding. I'm no whinger like Chris Pyne, Chairman of Liberal Party Investigations into Labor Party Electoral Rorts. Article writer, Sandra Lee, has questioned a line up of Hillary suspects, but all have emphatically declined. Many deniers think Hillary is a group of writers, or someone within the Liberal Party. I doubt it. The former is hardly likely in a country where political satire is unfashionable, or even unknown. And the latter is not possible: Liberals do not have a sense of humour. Me, I think the true identity of Hillary Bray is ... arggghh, I've just taken a hit! Look, there, outside the shattered window, a masked man is running away. But wait, he's put the mask on thebackof his head, perhaps the better to shoot without missing, or maybe to breathe easier, jeez I don't know ... now he's stopped and turned to laugh maniacally at my demise ... Good Lord, I'm heralded after all, for my killer is none other than the Minister for Work-k-k ... slump. Funny, huh? So who is Hillary Bray? Unless it so obviously is Stephen Mayne himself, then my choice is none other than a certain RW, former coeditor of a certain ZG. PS: When broached on this possibility, HB emailed HH with the following message: "Hey! A different name pops up from the usual suspects. How very refreshing on a Friday afternoon after a tough week." The plot thickens. Think again, status quo lovers. Check out these two URL's from the 24 December 2000 edition of The Guardian: Now it's unofficial: Gore did win Florida by Ed Vulliamy Right-wing coup that shames America by Will Hutton The Political Prisoners of the Future wish to offer their condolences to Finance Minister John Fahey after his recent surgery. We don't care much for his politics, but as a fellow human being on the wheel of strife, he deserves everyone's sympathy and best wishes. |
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